I just read an article titled: “Our Mom was a Hoarder.” by Jennifer O’Neill, inside of Yahoo Parenting.The article’s main purpose was to help others “who remain silent in their shame about hoarding or living with a hoarder…”It was written by two siblings who grew up in a home that was overrun with clutter and mess and disrepair. After their mother passed away from cancer at the age of 59, they had to go to the family home to clean it out and get it on the market for sale; and that is what prompted the telling of their story.
The Mommy, Daughter and son lived behind their front door in secret. No one was allowed over or inside their home. (Anyone who follows me, TheTidyTutor.Com, knows that story, you don’t have to be what the world labels a HOARDER to not want anyone to see how we keep – or don’t – keep house.)
The article shows photographs taken by Geoff Johnson (the son) and the purpose of the article and photos is said best in a quote by (I would love to say “Martha’s son” but they never mention their mom’s name… So I will just have to say…) the photographer and Hoarder’s son: “For me, it’s like taking these pictures is showing what we lived through, to hopefully help other people.” And by “other people” he meant everyone who keeps the secret and shame regarding hoarding or living with a hoarder.
One of the things mentioned, and highlighted as if it was illogical, was that their mother (who remains nameless) worked in human resources, was active in the community, and took part in school clubs and organizations.
That kind of infuriated me.
WAIT! You mean someone who couldn’t keep house could get it together to do things that benefited society?! OH MY GOD! REALLY?!
Holy crow people! Keeping house, being organized, is a learned skill! Just like music is!
Listen, this only causes shame because our society has placed a black mark on those who can’t keep house and on those who have become so tired of trying to do what they have never learned to do or have never been given the opportunity to learn that they give up. When we think about learning organization, there is such a feeling of futility. We can’t measure up so we just don’t even try.
The shame is on society. We live in a perpetual episode of “Twilight Zone.”
Remember the episode with the young beautiful girl who lived on a planet where what was the norm for beautiful was anything but that to us?
Instead of having hideous features as acceptable and desirable, we see spontaneity and our overly optimistic easily sidetracked natures as something that needs medication to over come instead of being applauded for all of its many virtues.
Do we berate and judge those who can’t be flexible or can’t enjoy the small things in life while putting off the supposed big things like laundry and dusting? Do we berate and judge the artist and poet because they get distracted by a sunrise or a deep-seated feeling?
What if we lived in a world where everyone was expected to be musical? What would happen to those who were not given the opportunity to learn music because they were expected to just know it?
Wouldn’t they be living in shame? Would they let people in their homes to see that there was dust on the guitar frets and the piano keys?
I have people in my course who are well past 50, even past 60, who felt that they would NEVER get their homes cleaned up and organized but lo and behold it happened!
Why? It’s freaking simple!
They needed to learn how! Just like those who don’t have inborn musical ability need to learn! And I know how to teach them how to get organized, and love them and accept themselves!
As if they need accepting!!!!???
Here is the article link I reference so you can read it. https://www.yahoo.com/parenting/our-mom-was-a-hoarder-116090458072.html
And here is my course, Tidy Tutor University, so you can take it. Www.TheTidyTutor.Com/ttu/
I love my students with words that can’t be conveyed.
I pray for them and all who need and will come to me, sincerely, every morning.
Thank you for being part of my world, if this blog speaks to you please leave a comment below.